Here's my problem this weekend. I feel like I know it all when it comes to me and losing weight/fat/inches. In the last year + I have done a lot of study and followed a program that when I am consistent works AMAZINGLY!! So what is my problem? In the last 6 months or so I have tried to get to the roots of the emotional side of this and feel I have made some breakthroughs but this is still a struggle for me.
I know exactly what to eat!!
I know exactly how to exercise!!
I just don't know how to keep myself motivated.
I posted on the FB F2F wall "Motivation is like bathing, you have to do it often or it'll stink." Well most times mine stinks. I often feel guilty for going to the gym and leaving my family but then I'm angry that I don't get any time to myself.
I feel fat and uncomforable 90% of the time, the 10% is only when I'm in pjs. And that is my own doing. See anytime I outgrow my "fat" clothes I get rid of them, I figure if I don't have them I'm less likely to go back to the "fat" clothes. And when I fell into a rut, wearing the same jeans everyday I had my best friend take my "fat" pants away leaving me in a perpetual state of uncomfortable pants. Now mind you this is meant to motivate me but it hasn't. I just feel guilty when she's supposed to take the next size away. Which we haven't done yet, it's supposed to be tomorrow but I"m not ready yet.
So what is this rant about? Well I watched a video today that gave a total of pounds for all 8 of the Flab 2 Fab contestants. I almost cried seeing my weight as well as that total knowing I contributed to that number. It has lit a fire under me today. I hate that number and I want it to go waaaaaaaayyyyyy down. So I'm going to have a talk with the hubs and we're gonna clean house. I'm talking removing all the bad in the house including stuff for kids lunches as well as sugar so I'm not tempted to bake something from scratch. And I'm going to go to the gym without the kids and not feel bad about it. I am ALWAYS with them and believe me I love them but I need a break.
Does anyone else ever feel the way I do? How do you overcome? I know it's a process, but I would love to just fix it and forget it. I would love to have the drive that pushes me to the limit and way beyond. But at least I'm starting the process again and hopefully this competition will drive me for the time I need for it to stay and good and healthy habit of diet and exercise.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
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WOW, I am a lurker just checking things out and WOW. You wrote a post that I could have typed. I KNOW exactly how you feel. I hate where I am right now, KNOW what i need to do to change it but can not seem to make it WORK. I can not find the time to workout, Feel the same guilt about being away from my kids and yet in a twisted way would KILL to have time away from them but the last place I would want to do that would be at the gym. Thanks for sharing. I jsut want to let you know you touched some one with what you have to say.
ReplyDeleteOMG I could so have written your post! I just have to let you know that you are not alone.
ReplyDeleteI slimmed down a few years ago (not slim slim but slimmer) and threw out all the fat clothes because I was NEVER going to be THAT size again. Ha ha ha! I am that size and I've had nothing to wear for ages but my old pe kits from when I was teaching! Hubby took pity on me and bought me a couple of things to wear as he realised I was so down and unable to pick myself up.
It is hard. Especially when you are tied to your family. My kids are teens but my 15yo son is ASD/Asperger's and hates me to be away from him.
Now that I'm a SAHM/WAHM I seem to never leave the house unless I go to the doc, supermarket or walk the dog!
I've stuck by the whole blogtourage thing for a week now as I'm determined that this is THE time to do this and I've met so many lovely, supportive friends that I know that we will all help each other through.
Hang in there!